Looking to keep your child motivated. Provide choices that let them feel a part of the process. For a preschooler it may mean letting them choose between markers or crayons to complete their homework. For the teenager, it may mean choosing an extracurricular activity they love. Whatever age, allowing your child to have a hand in directing their own paths will allow them to take control and show care.

This principle becomes especially hard when your child makes the wrong decision, or when they choose to do something completely opposite from your own hopes and dreams for their life. If your child does make a wrong decision, giving space for their failure to produce maturity in them will produce motivation that drives to them to no make same mistake twice. If the latter happens, realize that children have to learn to be their own person a part from their parents. While parents offer a valuable and much needed influence in their children’s lives, if there is no move toward differentiation then their desire to stay motivated will dwindle.

A close friend was passionate about becoming a musician. She was gifted as an all around musician playing multiple instruments, singer, songwriter, producer, you name it. Though she loved music so much, her mother had different dreams for her daughter. Her mother had hoped that her daughter would go to the same college she did and pursue a career more worthy than a struggling musician. Out of a desire to make her mother happy, she graduated high school and decided to chase her mother’s dreams rather than her own. After a year of college, she was left with a failed class and had no idea what she wanted to do with her life anymore.

Whether we like it or not, providing our child with guided choices will teach them how to make right decision, learn from the wrong ones and be motivated to accomplish their goals.

How many times have we heard kids say, “Why do I have to learn this? I am not going to need this when I get older?” Time and time again, I would say this when I was sitting at the table working on math. I had no desire to be a math teacher, scientist, engineer or go into any other field that required I know how solve algebraic expressions. Looking back, I have to admit that I was right—I have not used any of the math I learned in high school for years. However, what I did not realize was the life lessons I learned outside of the grind of solving math problems like how to analyze, develop spacial thinking, the value of working neatly, etc.

Kids are notorious for wanting to know that what they are learning and doing is relevant to real life. In their opinion, if it does not relate, why waste my time. This is translated into a lack of motivation to do well. As a parent it can be frustrating trying to motivate kids and our response is to just continue to push, discipline and offer the authoritative words of “Just do it!” Rather than build in frustration consider reviewing what your child is studying at school, and find ways to connect it to reality.

I particularly found history boring and difficult to understand. Through my school years, many of my teachers spent our class time reading from text books and answer worksheets or listening to lectures and trying to memorize dates. I felt drowned by the content and unmotivated to ever retain the information longer than passing the test. However, one year I had a teacher who was inspiring. Frankly, I don’t remember using a text book once. We were constantly asked to read the current newspapers, listen to music with political messages (new and old), and participate in class discussions and debates. By the end of the year, we did not feel like we learned history. We felt like we were a part of history.

Teachers, parents, and coaches: Heed the call to not only be teachers of information, but teachers of life. Work at showing your students, children and players that what you work so hard at drilling in to them is not so that they get a passing grade at the end of the year, but that it will show for something more that they can carry on into adulthood.

We have all heard of the saying, “Practice What You Preach.” As cliché as it is, if the example you are setting does not match what you are saying, why would anyone be motivated to listen and follow through with what is being asked of them. This especially rings true with how we communicate to our children.

There are times that parents must exert their authority without providing reason, but if we are asking our child to stay focused, work hard, take initiative and/or be proactive, how do we expect them to do so if we do not exhibit those same high expectations for ourselves. The best examples children have are their parents. Parents are who, from day one, teach their children how to live whether it is manners, how to socialize, maintain hygiene, etc.

My one year old son copies almost everything my husband does. My husband is obsessive about cleaning his ears. We never realized how much he paid attention to his father until one day he found a Q-tip and tried sticking it in his ear. As silly as this example is, our son was interested in being like his father, even if that meant cleaning his ears. Because that behavior was modeled to him, he was motivated to do same. Now, we carefully watch how we behave and respect one another because we realize the importance of showing him right behavior rather than telling him what right behavior is especially because at this age when verbal communication is not helpful.

Remember, there will always be someone around who will look to use as a role model, even if you didn’t ask to be one. Whether you are a parent, teacher, older brother, or friend, be aware of your actions and motivate kids to live rightfully.

At the core of all motivation would have to be meeting a child’s fundamental need for love and respect. Both bring security and produce self-confidence. Specifically, intrinsic motivation (an internal desire to do something) relies on these fundamentals. In order to meet such needs, children need to feel they are in a safe environment, receiving mutual respect from their peers and teacher, or having their physiological needs taken care of such as food, shelter, clothing, etc. This is to only list a few, but once these are met, a child is more likely to be able to focus on reaching their fullest potential.

As a parent, we can become consumed to by doing this or that for our child, thinking that we are doing “what’s best” for them. However, all of our money and words of wisdom will mean nothing if we have not taken the time to invest in our child’s lives in a way that builds their assurance of feeling love and respected. This takes time—lots of time. Unfortunately, time has tendency to get away from us, but before we wonder why our children are non-responsive or accuse them of being careless, we have to take the opportunity to reflect and find out what why they may appear to be unmotivated.

If it is true that your child feels like they don’t belong or not accepted, often times the best way to work through that is to spend quality time together. This can be done by removing all distractions—other family members, cell phones, T.V., internet—and take the opportunity to foster a deeper relationship with your child. Find out what they like to do, and do it together. Maybe it’s working on a project, playing a game, shopping, going to an event. Whatever it is, when you rebuild that sense of feeling loved and respected by you, it is not hard to motivate kids.

Peer Pressure tends to carry with it a negative connotation. However, when it is done positively it can be beneficial and really motivate kids. Being around like-minded people encourages focus and a strong work ethic because of the examples they set for one another. They are influenced by their peers to continue even when something becomes difficult. Feelings of being overwhelmed or lonely are not a factor because of the surrounding support network.

In high school, a girl decided she wanted to join choir. She thought she would just try it out for a year as an alternative to sports which occupied too much of her time after school with having to work. Throughout the year, the choir practiced for competitions and traveled to various places to perform. By the end of the year, the choir members were the very same people who became her close friends. When practice got boring, they found ways to laugh. When practice became tough, they helped one another out. They enjoyed the company of friends and were willing to work through whatever obstacles got in the way, because they were all after the same goal.

This support network can show your child the value of building relationships with the people who share the same interests. Outside of joining a sport, they may find that camaraderie in a club, after school program, or maybe joining a class. Even as a parent, you can strengthen this positive influence of friendship by getting to know fellow parents. Sometimes finding that network in school can be difficult so looking outside of the framework of school may be the better bet. Once your child is engaged in an activity that develops relationships, their fellow peers will not only become their friends but be the very thing that keeps you kids motivated.

Want to motivate your child to do something? Show them its value. If it appears that there is no meaning or no purpose, often times, their response will be, “Why waste my time?”

To combat this mind-set, try getting your child involved with activities that maintain a certain level of prestige or value. The obvious would be suggesting to your child to take part in volunteer work or community service. Other ways to bring value to their time would be by finding out what they love to do and brainstorming how they can use that to help others. For example, if they enjoy playing soccer, then maybe they could coach a team or organize a free soccer clinic. I played soccer for many years, but what kept me invested were the years that I found opportunities to give back by helping referee games or running the snack stand.

A friend of mine is a wonderful musician. She can play multiple instruments and a wide range of styles of music. While she is very gifted, the part about her job that she favors the most is being able to teach younger children to appreciate music the way she does. She becomes inspired by their excitement and rejoices with them when they have improved in their lessons. Even though being a musician does not make a whole lot of money and it can be frustrating trying to “make it” what keeps her motivated is her students who look up to her as a musician—one who is willing to work hard despite the odds in order to do something that she loves.

Value gives purpose. When what they are doing has purpose it is more likely motivate kids to see it through. They feel attached to what they are doing and care about the outcome. Spend a little time with your child and talk about how what they can do to bring value to their time.

Looking in retrospect, most parents agree that they noticed their child exude personal interests and natural talents early on in their childhood, some even during infancy. Paying attention to these interests and talents and using them as a springboard will help motivated kids. Rather than feel forced to participate, they are inclined to stay because of their initial desire to learn more about the subject.

Parents may try to live vicariously through their child, wanting them to fulfill the dreams they were unable reach, or have their child play a sport simply because they played it in school. While we feel proud to see our children take part in our own interests this may get in the way of their own personal development resulting in a lack of desire to do anything. Because they have no personal investment they have no desire to become successful.

A father dreamed after having his son playing professional basketball. His son loved playing basketball, but early on, aspired to pursue vocational ministry. He wanted his dad to be proud of him, so he thought maybe there would be a way he could do both. The draft came and the son didn’t make it. His dad was disappointed, to say the least, and the son was depressed because he thought he had failed everyone. The only way he was ever able to overcome his feelings of failure was to follow after his heart and enter into full time ministry. Though ministry work presented him with a lot of challenges he was willing to overcome those challenges and stay motivated because he was passionate about what he was doing. He saw the challenges making him stronger and was adamant about using them to make him better.

As hard as it may be, letting go and allowing your child to discover their own strengths and passions in life will make it that much easier to keep your kids motivated. Because it is something they love to do, they are more likely to stay focused and do whatever it takes to meet their goal.

One morning I woke up with no desire to be on the team anymore. Tryouts were after school and I had it made it up in my mind that I would intentionally do poorly just so that I wouldn’t have to make the team. When I look at that moment in high school, I wondered why I made such a determined choice. At the time, it seemed out of left field and when they told me I didn’t make the team, I wasn’t sad. I was relieved. Now, I realize that things changed once sophomore year came around. Many of my friends had moved away, our old team wasn’t the same anymore, and I had a hard time to play with my new teammates. I didn’t feel connected.

The relationships we develop have a great influence on the decisions we make. For me, I no longer desired to play on the team, for others it may be dealing with the day-to-day rigor and loneliness of going to school all together. Feeling connected motivates us to stay or not. It motivates us kids to keep going or giving up.

Bear in mind, meeting new people and building friendships is no easy task no matter how old you are. So, if you notice your child is struggling to do so, encourage your child to try a different activity or hobby that is more appealing and/or surrounds them with people that may more closely match their likes, values, and beliefs. Once that pillar of friendship is built, their motivation will increase. Relationships provided strength, support, someone to confide in and share life with and most importantly, someone who you know loves and cares about you. When relationships are in place, it really motivates kids and becomes harder to fall away or give up because there is someone in your corner making sure that doesn’t happen.

Often, children are struck by boredom. Routines become predictable, standards easily attainable, and expectations never change. While routine can provided a sense of security at first, it can, for some, turn into a need to no longer feel motivated.

In response to this listlessness, try mixing up your strategies in a way that allows for an element of surprise. If the child knows what to expect all the time, they are not challenged to discover and reach the goals you are trying help set for them. Because they know the outcome, no motivation is required. Change can be in the way in which the lessons are presented or the approach used to improve and master certain skills through practice. Mixing up the methods of learning really motivates kids. Children become excited about learning and begin working hard to achieve success.

After the first quarter, a teacher noticed that her class became uninterested in mastering their spelling words. The workbooks expected them to spell each word quietly to themselves then recite it to the teacher once they were confident they knew how to spell each word perfectly. In an effort to keep them motivated to spell, she decided to create Parachute Spelling. The children got into a circle holding on to the ends of a parachute. In the center, underneath the parachute, were the spelling words printed and cut out on pieces of paper. Each child took turns running under the parachute to grab a word, and then bolt back to their place as their classmates swung the parachute high in the air. When they arrived back to their place they were asked to read their word then close their eyes and spell it. Even though it was a simple game the children were motivated to spell in the hopes of getting to play Parachute Spelling that week.

This is all to say to think creatively and think out of the box once in awhile. It may be just the thing that motivates your kid to be a life-long learner.